Alone
by NinielB
Summary: Elladan misses his twin, a story I wrote when I was decisively lonely.


The elf was sitting on the small balcony overlooking the forest. He could see the small lake and hear the quite rustle of the leaves, sounding almost as a delicate tune played by the wind, not so unlike the tunes his brother would sometimes play. He listened to the wind, trying to find comfort in the tune it played, all the while being painfully aware that his brother's flute was lying on the sill in the room next to his, gathering dust from lack of use. It had been long since Elrohir had had time to play. Elladan sighed and buried his head in his hands. How he missed his twin. He looked over to the balcony connected to his brother's room, noticing the dry leaves gathering there, the curtains from the room swaying softly in the wind, the room dark and cold and no sound could be heard softly drifting out. Elrohir was not there.

Elladan had left the dining hall early, something he was prone to lately; it just wasn't the same anymore. Even the warm light shining from the lights there didn't penetrate his own personal darkness.

When he returned to his room the lights had been lit, but now they had all gone out; he had not bothered to rekindle the fire, there was no point, it was all dark anyway. He looked to the sky, seeking the stars, seeking comfort in their nightly presence, but tonight even the stars were wailed. He blinked.

How things had changed.

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The day was light and the air was almost sparkling, the forest delighting in the gay laughter of the two elves swimming in the lake.

"Hey, that's not fair…!" one of them called as the sound of splashing water and pearly laughter was heard. A moment after more splashing was heard and the first voice joined the laughter and a companionable and light banter began while both elves laughed.

At that time life had been good.

The carefree days did not last though. Only a couple of weeks later everything had changed.

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Elrohir had been smiling brightly, he had been so happy. He had waited for so long for this to happen and now that it finally had he almost couldn't stop smiling, on the brink of laughing from joy actually, and Elladan had smiled with him. Elrohir deserved this; he deserved his happiness.

"Oh Dan I'm so happy" he said, joy evident in his voice and Elladan happily congratulated him. He loved to see Elrohir this way, so happy, so carefree. He was genuinely happy for him, though from the back of his mind the darkness already began creeping in, claiming a little more of him each day, warning him that soon his twin would disappear from his life. He didn't mention this fear to Elrohir however. Elrohir would never abandon him, he knew that, he was just being foolish and if he was entirely honest with himself, a little jealous at the one whom Elrohir now gave his attention to.

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The weeks passed and even though Elrohir was not as often in his room anymore he still had time to swim in the lake or play his tunes to his twin and Elladan was happy. He had been right, his twin would not abandon him, he would find a way to divide his time. Elladan smiled and listened to the tune, cherished it as a proof that Elrohir would always be with him, that he would never be alone and the darkness in his mind receded, giving place for the light to enter him once more.

But good things seldom last for long.

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"I have to do this." The voice said.

Elladan just stared at him, understanding the reason why didn't make it easier. He knew why Elrohir had to do this. It was the only reasonable course of action and Elladan knew it, yet it hurt him to know that his twin's already limited time would be cut even shorter. He nodded, accepting. This was not his choice to make.

"Just don't forget to come back sometimes…" he said, forcing his voice to sound carefree and joking and he got the expected laugh in return "I promise I will not" Elrohir said, giggling while he did. Elladan forced a smile. He feared his twin would not be able to keep that promise.

He stood in Imladris' courtyard when Elrohir departed, waving until the horses and their riders could no longer be seen. Then he went to his room.

It had felt very different without Elrohir there. As if he somehow didn't truly belong there anymore, as if part of himself went missing when his twin left.

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At first his twin had taken great care in writing letters to him often, letters that Elladan always answered cheerily, never letting Elrohir or anyone else see how sad he really was. His letters never showed this, he made sure of it.

As time passed the letters got fewer and so did Elrohir's visits. And the darkness in Elladan's soul grew, and still he smiled. He would smile even if it killed him. He didn't want to let his twin see how sad he was, he didn't want his brother's pity, he didn't want to pull his twin down with his gloominess. Elrohir was happy and Elladan could not make himself make a dent in that happiness. He smiled and joked and no one noticed, while inside he fell apart.

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"Are you happy here?" Elrohir asked.

Elladan nodded, it was one of the few occasions where the twins got to spend a quiet evening together, undisturbed. Elladan both loved and dreaded them. Dreaded them because he would always be so hurt when he was once again left alone, yet one night of happiness was worth a thousand nights of pain and so Elladan smiled genuinely and warmly. For one night he could forget, pretend all was as it used to be. But when morning came with it's bright light it became all too apparent that it wasn't. Nothing was as it used to be.

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Tonight would be no different he thought. Tonight would not be the night where his twin would return to him either. He did not want his brother's company out of pity, but he desperately wished for it all the same. He pushed his back to the cold wall, settling for yet another night of waiting. There was no point going to bed, he would find no comfort there, no comfort to soothe his ragged emotions.

"I love you brother" he whispered to the night, a silver tear gleaming on his cheek, knowing he would not be heard tonight either.

The End


End file.
